Dear Sir,
a letter from Personal Touch
Has arrived, but I cannot do anything much
For they ask us to transfer Fred Miller away
From yourselves and to them, but you don't seem to say
Whether we can do anything, though it's implied
That we should, we prefer to stay on the safe side
And only transfer things if it is made clear
By both parties we should, and that's not the case here.
Furthermore, headed stationery hasn't been used
And we ask for that too, lest our system's abused.
Besides which, the letter from you isn't signed
And it must be, a protocol which is designed
To ensure your security – how can we know
Who you are if you don't sign it? Oh! What a blow
It would be if we did it, but later found out
We were wrong to ignore that wee, niggling doubt
That you were who they said. I would sooner be dead
Than transfer someone's business on fraudulent grounds.
So forgive me if I leave Fred waiting around
While I hold for a signed letter, with letterhead.
Thank you kindly, Tom Tucker, for taking the time
To provide this, and don't feel obliged to use rhyme
When replying. And sir, you must not hesitate
To ask questions in writing; I will not berate
You for seeking more answers.
Yours faithfully,
Scottish Widows employee
Ray Murray, F.C.
names changed to protect confidentiality agreements.
letter not sent to the Independent Financial Adviser involved, though I was very tempted.
More Scottish Widows poems here and here, if anyone is interested.
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