David Manning

David Manning of The Ridgefield Press is the Film Critic who, well, isn't. What isn't he? He isn't anything actually.

David Manning, who gave glowing quotes about such Hollywood slag piles as "The Animal", is nothing more than a figment in the minds of the Sony Pictures Advertising Department. An unknown (or at least un-named) Sony Pictures employee created "him" sometime around July of 2000 by taking a name of a friend and the name of a newspaper chosen at random. No one in the Sony Pictures PR Department questioned his quotes, presumably because they didn't want to spoil a good thing, and thus the charade was born.

When one of the more curious Newsweek staffers got a fishy smell about Manning, Newsweek questioned Sony about the reviewer's state of authenticity. Althought they folded like a cheap suit, they still maintain that they did nothing really "wrong", but simply excercised poor judgment. Much like when they decided to make "The Animal" in the first place.

References: MSNBC: http://www.msnbc.com/news/581770.asp?cp1=1

Come on!
Do Columbia Pictures really need to make up fake positive comments for their flicks? This David Manning is supposed to work for the Ridgefield Press but actually, he was invented by an employee of Columbia's advertising department. How's whoring, Columbia?

"That's right, Columbia Pictures isn't satisfied trying to convince you their shit doesn't stink.
They have to invent invisible "critics" to lie for them.
Screw you, Columbia, you worthless, dirty assholes. We know you screw us on a weekly basis. We know you don't give a flying duck fuck whether your movies are good or bad, just that they make money.
But we didn't know you'd lie to scam a few extra bucks.
It just proves why you're in the business: to shove your bony, cold hands up our asses and yank."

-- The Filthy Critic (http://bigempire.com/filthy/animal.html)

Matt is so right. Here is a proof (and a big one) that Hollywood is into business, not movies. I mean, for funding the directing of Animal, they can't even have an ounce of artistic talent.
No critic wanted to post a positive quote about Animal, Hollow Man, A Knight's Tale, etc. so they needed to invent some. And I am pretty sure Columbia Pictures is not the only corporation that lies and cheats on the audience.

Another quote from The Filthy Critic:

"This is worse than some late night huckster using lies to shill some spray-on hair shit.
We know he's lying, and he knows we know he's lying. But you wanted us to believe you.
The only reason to make up quotes for the ads is in hopes that it'll trick the unsuspecting to plunk their money down.
That is stealing. It's the worst kind of thievery, too: fat cats exploiting their power to steal from the poor.
Fuck you, Columbia, you thieving bastards."

I have to say that most of the time I agree with The Filthy Critic because he hates Hollywood as much as I do. And I love him even more now that he gave The Finger to Animal and to Columbia Pictures in general. I am happy to see I'm not the only one who loves real movies, not shitty, rent-and-forget, useless, moneymaking blockbusters from zombifying, mindnumbing, braindead industries.
Columbia is walletfucking the audience, so fuck them back. This corp makes billions each year and they need to lie in order to get our last pennies. That's completely evil and sick, just like eating an entire cake and puke it right after because you didn't want to share.

"We see movies because we want to be manipulated."
That's like saying "Yeah, I battered my wife because she wanted it"...
And as for myself, I see movies because I like art. Not because I want to stop thinking for the next two hours because I had a rough day at work.
Another thing... I think it's more like "We see movies because they tell us 'You wanna be manipulated.'" I hardly never watch Hollywood movies (except when my friends rent them), and even less read their magazines about crusty tidbits on actors.

And I am not dissing their brainwashing strategies, I just don't personally agree with them. But this is the way the Market exists and I won't even try to change it.

*********

Oh don't worry wolfDaddy, I can have fun watching hollywood movies (in a masochistic way), they make me laugh. And these 'false critics' are a kind of propaganda, I like pointing to stupid errors like this one. :)

Y'know, none of this fake critic shit would matter to someone who didn't pay attention to critics in the first place.

Psssst! Hey, you. Yeah, you over there, reading Entertainment Weekly to help you decide which movie to see. Here's a thought ... think for yourself!

What, you were expecting an ethical entertainment industry in a consumer society that values entertainment above all else?

I find outrage over Sony's tricks a little amusing. We see movies because we want to be manipulated. To expect the industry not to want to manipulate all points of that process is a little misguided.

So, Senso, if you don't watch Hollywood movies why do you frickin' care about a fake critic who only writes 'reviews' about movies made by Hollywood studios? Your elitism is showing ... now shuffle off and go see L.I.E., mmmkay?

Manning shares a job with Ambrose Bierce now, namely being the person to whom we can attribute any random phrase we wish to attribute to someone.

Some Manning quotes:
"I hate it when people attribute made-up quotes to Ambrose Bierce"
"You're my wife now, Dave"
"Stigmata Blood may irritate skin and cause minor rashing"
"Stealth Munchkin are the band the Beatles should have been"
"For future reference, theologians tend to agree that when Jesus finally does return he's not likely to be driving a pickup truck."
"The policeman isn't there to create disorder, the policeman is there to preserve disorder."

All quotes taken from the Yahoo Discordia list.