• 1) Big ole roast
• 2) red wine vinegar ( a splash or five)
• 3) 1 cup + 1 smidge of Burgundy wine
• 4) 1 can "beefy mushroom" Campbell's soup
• 5) 1 boullion cube (red)
• 6) 1/3 soup can o' water.
• 7) dashes of garlic salt and garlic peper

Pre-heat oven to 375 and Place big ole roast in pan. Splash red wine vinegar on all showing surfaces of roast. Dash with garlic, salt and pepper. Pour cup of wine over roast. Dump can of soup all over roast. Fill empty can 1/3 full of water and pour into pan, NOT ON ROAST! Add 1 beef boullion cube to pan and cook for five to six hours. Serve and seek substance abuse counselling as soon as you can move again

Or...

1. Several hopelessly addicted souls
2. Several glass smoking implements
3. A crack house (any apartment will do)
4. Cocaine
5. Some ammonium hydroxide (baking powder in a pinch)
6. Some ethyl ether

Take one gram of cocaine and add it to a test tube containing an inch of water. Cap tube and shake until cocaine is dissolved. Add 5 drops of ammonium hydroxide and gently swirl to mix the solution. Add 1/2 inch ethyl ether to the tube and shake vigorously for one minute. Place tube upright for one minute or until seperation occurs. Once seperated take the top liquid and leave it on a clean dish. In about five minutes the ether will evaporate and you'll have pretty pure crack. This is where the hopelessly addicted souls come in...