Cookie Monster

The Muppets aren't like Shakespeare or anything, but most of them are real characters with real traits. Kermit is timid, but heroic. Fozzie seeks acceptance. Ms Piggy's a bitch, etc. Not Cookie Monster though. He doesn't have a personality so much as a single driving force - he wants cookies. You never see Cookie Monster around unless there's cookies involved. He doesn't hang out with Ernie unless Ernie lures him over with cookies. He doesn't give a shit if you learn to read or not. The furry bastard just wants his cookies. There's no Ms. Cookie Monster or "L'il Cookie" friends or anything. Cookie Monster doesn't need them. You don't see Cookie Monster occupying himself with such trivial things as bottle cap collections or clever song parodies about the letter R. It doesn't matter if REM is outside singing about the letter K. Unless Michael Stipe brought along some cookies, Cookie Monster isn't worried. He's a simple monster, and he spends his life pursuing his one true love - cookies.

And I respect that.

Cookie Monster is what we should all be. He just goes for what he wants, no matter what the situation or the consequences. We all have our cookies, find yours, and go after it with the passion our furry blue friend has for chocolate chips. We should all stop worrying about the "REM"s and "bottle cap collections" in our lives. Live like Cookie Monster. Except try to do it without a hand up your ass.

cookie monster n.

[from the children's TV program "Sesame Street"] Any of a family of early (1970s) hacks reported on TOPS-10, ITS, Multics, and elsewhere that would lock up either the victim's terminal (on a time-sharing machine) or the console (on a batch mainframe), repeatedly demanding "I WANT A COOKIE". The required responses ranged in complexity from "COOKIE" through "HAVE A COOKIE" and upward. Folklorist Jan Brunvand (see FOAF) has described these programs as urban legends (implying they probably never existed) but they existed, all right, in several different versions. See also wabbit. Interestingly, the term `cookie monster' appears to be a retcon; the original term was cookie bear.

--The Jargon File version 4.3.1, ed. ESR, autonoded by rescdsk.

Cookie monster - a nickname by paleontologists for the extinct hominoid, Oreopithecus bambolii. Fossils have been excavated in East Africa and in Italy. There is sufficient evidence (from the fossils) that indicate the presence of a lumbar curve and vertically aligned knee joint, as implications that oreopithecus adapted suspensory behavior or even bipedal locomotion. Because carbon dating shows that the fossils are eight million years old, oreopithecus baffle many scientists by evolving a strange and early form of bipedalism (the australopithecenes appeared two million years later). More interesting are findings showing that oreopithecus lived in swampy areas and not in forests or grasslands; some point out that bipedal hominoid fossils found in marshes and isolated islands support the Aquatic Ape Theory (aslo called AAT).

Because it is not related to the stock from which humans arose, its similarities to the more advanced hominids is considered to be a result of convergent evolution; oreopithecus and the bipedal human ancestors simply responded to environmental pressures with similar solutions. Aside from its upright stance, another interesting feature of this early ape is the strange appearance of its feet. On each foot the big toe sticks out about ninety degrees from the remaining toes (making an L-shape). Scientists now believe that the foot gave oreopithecus a firm base to support its upright posture; this adaptation is also found in birds.

Cookie Monster lived by foraging for leaves, it stood about 3 feet and probably had no predators. Climatic changes, especially the arrival of the Ice Age, six million years ago could have led to its extinction.

The Cookie Monster is classified in the suborder Haplorrhini, infraorder Catarrhini, superfamily Hominoidea and family Oreopithecidae.

sources:
• http://members.tripod.com/cacajao/oreopithecus_bambolii.html
• http://www.gradewinner.com/p/articles/mi_m1511/is_n2_v19/ai_20159521
• http://www.encyclopedia.com/html/O/Oreopith.asp