"I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating."
Actually, I--this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about--when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me."--Republican Presidential Candidate George W. Bush quoted in U.S. News & World Report, April 3, 2000
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."-Republican Presidential Candidate George W. Bush quoted in Reuters, May 5, 2000
"Unfairly but truthfully, our party has been tagged as being against things. Anti-immigrant, for example. And we're not a party of anti-immigrants. Quite the opposite. We're a party that welcomes people."--Cleveland, July 1, 2000
Anybody scared yet? I am.
The above borrowed from "The Complete Bushisms Updated weekly," Compiled by Jacob Weisberg, http://politics.slate.msn.com/Features/bushisms/bushisms.asp. I highly recommend.
The first couple of months of President George W. Bush's term in office have provided us with some memorable comedic moments. I don't know if it's from the coke or the booze, but the man cannot talk. I have yet to hear him clearly present a complete thought.
What makes it even more entertaining, though, is that Bush loves to talk. He seems to be totally unaware that the whole country is laughing at him, or at least trying to stifle its laughter as he poops out sentence after meaningless sentence. But why should I continue ridiculing him when he does a better job of it himself? Let the show begin.
Defense has also become a key issue in the agenda of his new administration. Bush would like to have "a ballistic defense system so that we can make the world more peaceful, and at the same time I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate with keeping the peace." I looked "commiserate" up in the dictionary and I don't think Bush's objective was to feel the peace.
Bush has also become interested in discontinuing the U.S. participation in NATO. Using one of his more well-thought sentences, he unsuccessfully explained the task of removing the country from NATO: "Redefining the role of the United States from enablers to keep the peace to enablers to keep the peace from peacekeepers is going to be an assignment." So we have to enable ourselves to keep the peace as well as keeping the peace from the peacekeepers. And what percentage of the United States understood that sentence? Yeah, two of us. And neither of them was you, Dubya. If those controlling you wanted to advocate the United States leaving NATO, why not just say that, instead of tripping over yourself more than once in the same sentence?
Mr. Eloquent has been hard at work formulating his positions on domestic issues. We are all aware of California's current ongoing power shortage. Well Bush, the scientist that he is, has discovered why we're having such difficulties in the Golden State. "The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants, and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants." So our problem is, according to that mess of a sentence, that we do not have enough power to power our power plants. Oh. Right. I'll leave that one alone.
In the past month, Bush has created the new White House Office for Faith-Based Initiatives. Let's recollect what the objective of this office is before I allow Bush to further embarrass himself. Essentially, this office is charged with the distribution of funds to charities run by churches.
All right, I'll let Dubya take over. Bush wants to reassure all of us that although he has "heard a lot of discussion about a faith-based initiative eroding the important bridge between church and state," this won't happen. So, Georgey, explain to me how doling out money to religious organizations is dangerous to the bond of church and state. First of all, unofficially we are not supposed to have that important bridge between church and state here in the United States. Secondly, your office will reinforce it instead of destroying it.
The next four years will sure be interesting. We will be entering new territory in the sense that when our president represents us internationally, he will be conversing with non-English-speaking leaders who know how to speak his native language better than he does.
I would like to leave off with one of my current favorite Bushisms. When asked about his appointment of Linda Chavez as labor secretary, Dubya displayed his normal muddled state: "I would have to ask the questioner. I haven't had a chance to ask the questioners the question they've been questioning." Well done.
"Collecting these utterances by our now president over the past year and a bit, I've found myself returning time and time again to the same question: What exactly is wrong with this guy" The most widely publicized clinical evaluation came from Gail Sheehy' Sheehy wrote a lengthy article in Vanity Fair proposing that George W. Bush suffers from undiagnosed dyslexia. Within a few hours of the piece's publication, the Republican nominee had responed, 'The woman who knew I had dyslexia ' I never interviewed her.'
When I first heard the news that George W. Bush was our president, I have to admit I panicked. I'm sorry, but I would prefer the most powerful (::snicker::) man in the world to have more neurons in his brain than he weighs, a requirement that I suspected Bush failed to meet. Statements like "I don't know whether I'm going to win or not. I think I am. I do know I'm ready for the job. And if not, that's just the way it goes" did not help to calm my worries. However, Bush was right when he said 'They misunderestimated me.' I have since learned to love Mr. Bush. I persevered1 and joined his campaign2. The way I figure, anyone who can be 'a small business growth' just might handle something as trivial as a Presidency with ease. I think I was right, too: the man has become a true leadership3. No doubt helpful is his ability to recognize the fallacy of humans.4 He maintains a positive attitude5 even when such crises as the fact that "It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas" are poised to cripple America. The Man knows how to relax6 in that big mansion of his. 'No Worries,' he says, as he takes pleasure in the knowledge that he has no responsibilities 7... But don't worry: 'Governor Bush will not stand for the subsidation of failure8.' Mr. Bush may know what his faith is, or what his priorities is, 9but it would seem that he doesn't know what he believes.10. And heyhey! Whodathunkit. Curious George can do math, too! Lots of people trust him11., and they do it for a very obvious reason:12 he's always looking out for the common man13. Our President knows why children must read14 ' in fact, sometimes he does it himself!15. He has the balls to question the educational system16, but still realizes how bright his children is17. His argument for educational accountability18 is nothing less than stunning. George Bush has met the standards for public schools19, and it shows20. Not only that, but the man has mad financial skillz too;21 maybe this22 is the reason why the economy is doing so well. His foreign policy23 never ceases to amaze, in all of its forms. He knows it's us versus them24 but isn't quite sure who 'them' is. 'Them' could be evildoing madmen who might cause menshul losses!25
Not only does he handle international policy with grace and tact, but his policy on interracial dating26 is a true gem. He also speaks out against racial profiling27.
His mind is obviously on the right track when he says 'I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun.' Bush also acts decisively on such hot issues as quotas28 and affirmative action29 Well, so it may appear that he is functionally illiterate. Obviously 'functionally' does not include technological matters30 (we have to be careful of people living in the dark dungeons of the internet!) George W. Bush understands the emotionality31 and logistics32 of the death penalty. Must be from so many executions in Texas.
The man has time33 and time again shown his innate grasp of politics and money34 '.and that's enough. I think you've realized something: This man is a reflection of the American public. May God have mercy on all of our souls.
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