know_no_bounds's New Writeups

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in Paris (idea)

2005-04-14T03:04:21Z

Rosencrantz: She's a skank.
Guildenstern: Who?
R: Paris Hilton, of course! Read the title.
G: What about her?
R: She's a skank.
G: No, you're just jealous of her success.
R: Jealous? Of that?
G: She has more money than you'll ever have.
R: There's more to life than money.
G: Perhaps, but money's a good part of it.
R: Dignity and self-respect would be nice, and she doesn't have any.
G: I'm sure she's laughing all the way to the bank.
R: Yes, and I'm laughing at her.
G: She doesn't care.
R: Obviously not.
G: She doesn't care because she's making money.
R: We're back where we started. I still say she has no dignity.
G: Not in her public image, certainly. She decided to sell that off.
R: Skank.
G: No. It's all carefully orchestrated. Paris Hilton has turned herself into a product. Do you think…

False nostalgia (idea)

2004-06-17T01:01:47Z

I burned my teenage diaries long ago. It wasn't really a sacrifice; there wasn't much in them aside from horrendous poetry, boring ruminations on the Meaning of Life, and endless lovesick moaning about people whose faces I can no longer remember. Stupid stuff, on the whole, and better off as smoke and ashes.

But I did save one scrap of paper out of the whole mortifying mess. I tucked it in my wallet, and when it seems necessary I take it out and look it over. It's a letter I wrote to myself many years ago:

Dear KNB,

Today I woke up early and went to the stadium to watch the seniors graduate. The principal gave his usual pretentious speech, salting it with countless literary references, trite sayings, and a series of personal anecdotes carefully selected to reveal to the world that he's a true Renaissance man. I don't…

ALS Scan (place)

2004-06-11T03:31:56Z

www.alsscan.com

I've seen a lot of porn in my life. I've watched magazines come and go, I've seen plenty of videos, and I've surfed more websites than I can count. When it comes to smut, I humbly consider myself an expert. And I can tell you without hesitating that I have never in my life seen anything as hot as ALS Scan. Simply put, these guys produce some of the most incredible porn I've ever seen.

ALS Scan was the creation of Alex, a webmaster and photographer whose vision, dedication, and sheer artistic talent have launched him to the top of the heap in the porn business. His basic approach is simple: he gets the hottest women to do some of the steamiest, sexiest, raunchiest acts you've ever seen.

How does he do it? In part it's because ALS Scan only does solo and lesbian pictorials--you'll never see a penis on the site. Guy-girl shots are the toughest for porn girls to do, because they tend to be the most…

The truth of beauty (idea)

2004-05-07T00:31:37Z

Last week I went to a going-away party for Dr. Lo, a scientist from Taiwan who's been visiting our lab for the past year. All of us adore Dr. Lo. He always smiles when he sees you, always makes a cheerful remark, always asks your opinion about some wild new idea he has. He cooks the best Chinese food I've ever tasted and knows all the best places to get the perfect ingredients. Plus, he loves to sing a cappella and actually manages to do it quite well. There's just something endearing about a short, pudgy Asian dude who's a brilliant scientist but is nonetheless willing to hop up on stage and do Billy Joel as good or better than Billy does it himself. So I was sad to see him go, but happy to shake his hand and tell him how much I'd enjoyed working with him.

To my annoyance, I ended up having to walk to the party with Carrie. I've worked with her for almost six years now, and every day she shows up to work in her uniform: a…

Potterotica (idea)

2004-04-19T03:31:35Z

WARNING:

If, dear reader, you are a fan of the Harry Potter books; if, in particular, you love their innocent and whimsical air; if the characters' shyness and awkwardness about romance leave you aching with nostalgia for those days of childhood innocence, then I beg you:

STOP READING NOW.

You have been warned.

Right then. It has been observed that the Hogwarts students seem to lead very chaste lives, given that they're trapped in the throes of adolescence. Very little snogging goes on at all, and most of it seems to take place offstage--even when it's happening to the title character in whose head we're all riding shotgun. Moreover, we don't see Harry and friends ogling the girls (and by "ogling" I mean "staring at the breasts of"), fantasizing about three-ways with the Patil twins, or indeed showing the slightest…

CPH (place)

2004-03-24T23:30:43Z

Plenty of people complain about the worst airport they've ever visited (I vote for Charles de Gaulle Airport, myself). I'd like to do the reverse and say that Copenhagen Airport in Denmark is one of the nicest.

I don't know the terminal in which I landed, but I can tell you that it was fantastic. Many of the main corridors had wood floors, and were nice enough that I felt guilty about dragging my bag across them. Off the corridors were well-lit, comfortable seating areas; the chairs and couches were far enough apart that you could move your bags through without clambering over people or mowing them down. Throughout the airport, there were stores ranging from luxury shops to convenience stores, and on the way home I spent a good part of the wait for my flight just browsing.

The train to Copenhagen itself arrives just downstairs from the terminal. According to my watch, it arrived within forty-five seconds of its scheduled arrival…