RimRod's New Writeups

March 22, 2003 (idea)

2003-03-21T23:45:57Z

Senator Palpatine rises to power by questionable means after discrediting the incumbent who was slightly better for the job but bland and ineffective, Chancellor Valorum. Citing threats to intergalactic security due to the scheming of Count Dooku, he begins amassing a gigantic Clone Army to protect the peace. Several years later, as the situation "worsens," Palpatine declares martial law--temporarily, of course--and mobilizes his army into action.

Meanwhile, back in reality...

Governor George W. Bush rises to power by questionable means after discrediting his opponent who was slightly better for the job but bland and ineffective, Vice President Al Gore. Citing threats to national security following the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks due to the scheming of Osama Bin Laden, Bush creates a Department of Homeland Security and begins looking for a way to remove Saddam Hussein from power in order to…

Who put the bomp (thing)

2002-08-09T06:00:39Z

Okay sonny, sit down and listen up. I'm sick of listening to your so-called "music" with your so-called "lyrics" that are supposed to inspire me. Real music died in 1979, dammit, and no amount of angsty teen glitter dildo pop can convince me otherwise. Back in my day, boy, we had lyrics that made a man want to get up and change the world--because the song was telling him to, DAMMIT, and that's just the way it was.

In 1961, a young man named Barry Mann wrote a song with Gerry Goffin that epitomized an entire era of American life. American Pie don't got nothing on this bad boy. The lyrics were so inspired, so imaginative, SO PERFECT as to make even the common gutter animal want to get up and serve his country. Add to this a backbeat that makes Stairway to Heaven look like child's play. Statistics don't lie--93% of left-handed Americans without noses consider this song their personal anthem, using it…

Wendy's (thing)

2002-07-24T18:06:42Z

Biggie Size it, bizzatch!

Dave Thomas, burger man extraordinaire and your personal savior, founded Wendy's in 1969. He had previously made millions managing four failing KFC restaurants for Colonel Sanders and turning them into successes. With the money he made from that enterprise, he was ready to live his childhood dream of owning and operating his very own fast food restaurant!

The first restaurant opened in 1969 at 257 East Broad Street in Columbus, Ohio, right here, in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! It was named "Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers" after Dave's eight year old daughter. She was not in fact named Wendy (they called her Melinda, cuz that was her name), but that didn't stop our hero Dave! (It was her nickname.) That original restaurant is still open today, and it doubles as a Wendy's museum.

Wendy's was dedicated to serving higher quality hamburgers…

early surrender (thing)

2002-07-24T16:34:30Z

In the casino game of blackjack, early surrender is the same as late surrender with one important difference: In early surrender, you have the opportunity to surrender BEFORE the dealer checks to see if he has a natural blackjack. Even if the dealer does indeed have a natural, if you surrendered before he checked, you retain half your bet. This differs from late surrender in that your bet would be lost if the dealer pulled a natural, and then on any other hand you may surrender for half your wager.

As you might surmise, early surrender is a TERRIFIC rule for the player. That's why, unfortunately, you almost never see it allowed in a casino. In fact, even being a pretty avid blackjack player, I had never so much as heard of early surrender--much less actually seen it offered--before reading a blackjack FAQ detailed almost to the point of obscurity.

While you might not think that early surrender isn't much…

late surrender (thing)

2002-07-24T07:15:57Z

Late surrender is probably the least well-known rule of blackjack. While the four options everyone knows about are hit, stand, double down, and split, there is a fifth option in which you surrender your hand after receiving your inital two cards and after the dealer has checked for blackjack (surrendering before that check is early surrender, which is very very very rarely offered). The dealer ends your hand, as if you had busted, but instead of the house getting your entire bet, they only get half.

This is a tricky thing. In a normal hand of blackjack (outside of surrendering), you can lose your bet, retain your bet (push), or double your bet. You want to surrender only when you will win the hand you have been dealt less than 25% of the time. Why? Lets say that probability tells us you will win a certain hand exactly 25% of the time. So, 25% of the time you double your money, and 75% of the time you lose all your…

supply and demand (idea)

2002-07-22T06:21:24Z

I recently went against my better instincts and bought a cellular phone, mostly for emergencies. It's a Nokia 3360. Like any good product on the American market nowadays, it's customizable so I can express my conformist individuality by removing the standard faceplates and switching it with any of 15 or so replacements in various colors and designs. If you want to show your patriotism, the red, white, and blue flag faceplate is for you. Futuristic tones more up your alley? Grab the shiny silver and green plates. Feeling drab and depressed? Gunmetal grey is for you.

These faceplates are made of plastic. Not particularly special plastic, just plastic. Plastic is cheap. You can go to your local Home Depot and get just about any size and shape of raw plastic you'd like, within reason, for about two dollars.

I wasn't too thrilled with the standard colors I found adorning my 3360 when it…