Mortice's New Writeups

Rubrics cube (thing)

2003-02-27T09:59:52Z

"And thou shalt put the mercy seat above upon the ark; and in the ark thou shalt put the testimony that I shall give thee." -Exodus 25:21.

These are the happy ones.
They live and breathe and move
just move
from box to box
forever.
Happiness is a new box.
Happiness is a cigar called -
WHILE STOCKS LAST!
Happiness is oblivion.

Grey-faced, screen-fed.
Garbage in, garbage out.
A steady stream of shit
in Technicolor™.

Inside the box is where
we live and move and
have our being.
"Here. This is your box,
sir."
"No, there must be
some mistake. I -"
"This
is your box, sir."

…

Catullus 1 (thing)

2003-02-08T11:37:47Z

The text¹

Cui dono lepidum novum libellum
arida modo pumice expolitum?
Corneli, tibi: namque tu solebas
meas esse aliquid putare nugas
iam tum, cum ausus es unus Italorum
omne aevum tribus explicare cartis
doctis, Iuppiter, et laboriosis.
quare habe tibi quidquid hoc libelli
qualecumque; quod, <o> patrona virgo,
plus uno maneat perenne saeclo.

2 arida ex Seruio Itali; arido archetypum² 5 tum ... es ε: tamen est archetypum 8 tibi habe archetypum: corr. η libelli al. mei X (al. mei del. r) 9 o add. θ qualecunque quidem est, patroni ut ergo Bergk 10 perire O

Translation

To whom shall I dedicate…

Mufti (idea)

2003-02-07T11:07:57Z

A much-loved tradition in British public schools* is for the school to organise a day where pupils may wear whatever clothes they desire (within certain acceptable public school boundaries, of course) in exchange for a small donation to a charity, paid on arrival at school. This practice has proved extremely successful over the years, because the fear of embarrassment at turning up in school uniform makes an optional practice almost compulsory, thus securing a pound from the grubby fingers of all the school's pupils.

This practice is known as a 'Mufti Day', and every time one comes around, there are always questions as to the origin of the term. Is it an acronym? A nonsense word for a nonsensical practice? An elaborate joke, like the word quiz?

It seems that, in common with ridiculous rules, a culture of bullying, and incompetent bursars, public schools inherited this term from the Armed Forces.

Webster's Dictionary tells us that the word 'derived…

Cereal Partners UK (thing)

2003-02-07T09:29:23Z

As the name suggests, a manufacturer of cereals based in the UK.

Formed in 1990 as a joint venture between Nestlé and General Mills, each having a 50% share, Cereal Partners worldwide first entered the UK cereal market with their purchase of the Shredded Wheat and Shreddies brands.

Selling their cereals under the Nestlé brand name and expanding their product base over the past 10 years, Cereal Partners UK have acheived a 25% market share, selling the cereal brands Shredded Wheat, Honey Nut Shredded Wheat, Fruitful Shredded Wheat, Shredded Wheat Bitesize, Cinnamon Grahams, Golden Grahams, Cheerios, Honey Nut Cheerios, Shreddies, Frosted Shreddies, Coco Shreddies, Clusters, Golden Nuggets, Nesquik, Sporties and Cookie Crisp.

In addition to these cereals, the company also produces 'own-brand' cereals for supermarket chains. Of course, to protect their business interests, they do not tell us which ones.

Cereal…

Shreddies (thing)

2003-02-04T09:38:49Z

"Keep hunger locked up till lunch!"

A breakfast cereal manufactured by Cereal Partners UK and distributed by Nestlé. According to the British American dictionary, they are "similar to Chex® and Kellogs Crispix®."¹

Shreddies are approximately one square inch in size, consisting of layered lattices of whole wheat creating a kind of grid. The name comes from the fact the wheat is shredded, a feature they have in common with their sister cereal, Shredded Wheat. Along with the main line, Cereal Partners also offer the hugely successful Frosted Shreddies and the less popular Coco Shreddies.

Although Cereal Partners states on their website (with questionable grammar) "Shreddies offers something for all the family."², advertising for the cereal family has always been aimed at children, featuring a cartoony anthropomorphic personification of hunger, and generally concluding with him being…

Catullus 11 (thing)

2003-01-21T12:29:18Z

"Last message to Lesbia"

The following is my own translation. You will notice that while I have tried to mimic Catullus' form, I have added an extra line to each stanza to make up for the fact that Latin is often a much more concise language than English.

Furius and Aurelius,
always my companions,
whether I go as far as India,
where the eastern wave pounds the shore,
echoing far and wide,

or to the luxury-loving
Hyrcani and Arabs,
or the Sacae or arrow-throwing Parthians,
or any waters coloured by the seven
mouths of the Nile,

or if I cross the high Alps,
and see Caesar's great memorials,
and the Gallic Rhine, that
horrible water¹, and the Britons,
at the end of the world.

Since you are both prepared
to face all these things,
whatever the will of the gods,
send a few…