Everything2 New Writeups

elf and dwarf crap (idea)

2009-11-26T19:11:26Z

This is a catchall term in fandom for books which are a shallow (and usually bad) ripoff of Lord of the Rings. As implied by the title of the trope, elves and dwarves will exist in happy profusion, characters will be carrying, or in search of, a magical macguffin, which is usually, but not always, a magic sword ala Excalibur.

Common inclusions to this trope include the plucky band of adventurers, many of whom longterm D&D players will recognize immediately as being the standard composition of their own Friday Night group (i.e., the mage, the rogue, the druid, the priest, and usually, the mysterious princess/priestess love interest of the the protagonist). Hobbits and/or halflings are usually considered optional (most likely due to the fact that it's hard empathize with an eternally cheerful, gluttonous, hairy-footed thief).

For a few decades during the evolution of the modern fantasy novel, the shelves of the local poorly-funded science…

These Feelings (poetry)

2009-11-26T18:09:21Z

These feelings are so strong
Can't pull yourself away
The world we're living in
Is governed by emotions

These feelings get us down
They tear us into shreds
Leave us bruised and battered
Things never recovered
Years of our life wasted

These feelings break our hearts
I've seen it all before
Fallen in love again
But it will never work
Every time it's the same

Is it really her fault?
Or is this how it works?
Were hearts just made to break?

easter egg (thing)

2009-11-26T16:51:56Z

In video games, an Easter egg is an optional hidden feature in a game that involves an unimportant but sometimes humorous event. For example, in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, if you could get yourself into a certain secret room (which I will keep a secret to avoid spoilers), there is an actual chocolate Easter Egg. In the sequel, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, another secret room has a weird Easter egg - a note saying "There are no Easter Eggs here. Go away."

Common Easter Eggs are:

Big Heads
Little Heads
Different Costumes
Invincibility (usually found after the game is beaten)
A non-canon appearance of another character

A story about a person I do not know (personal)

2009-11-26T16:42:52Z

At seventeen, I knew the way the world was supposed to work. The daughter of a soldier from a line of soldiers, I was going to join the Army, avoiding the question of college, avoiding the question of career, free choice, and all the other bugbears that drive teenagers to distraction. SATs? Not important. All that mattered was that I had a great ASVAB score and a way out.

All that stood between me and eight years without thought or question of who or what I was was Military Entrance Processing.

We were told to come to the Holiday Inn before ten o'clock that night. Breakfast was paid for (and turned out to be horridly cold eggs and badly-cooked sausages): in the morning, we would wake up before sunrise to go to the good old Bishop Whipple building.

It was all paperwork and medical testing. Somehow, I wasn't prepared to be hustled into a big room with ten or twelve other girls and told to undress, standing side by side with another girl.

The two of us…

Emily. Emily. Emily. Delete. (poetry)

2009-11-26T16:04:04Z

Emily.
Dearest Emily
why so long without words?
why is your only answer silence?

Emily.
Dearest Emily,
I am sure I could explain why
there was dress on the floor, in the foyer when you walked in
last week

Emily.
when I saw you dancing at the club
last night, by yourself with your eyes closed
I was struck by how alone you are

Emily. Emily. Emily.

Delete

Iron Bitch at the Dance (idea)

2009-11-26T15:19:17Z

Iron Bitch is at the dance. The Spanish Ballroom, from the 1930s, in Cabin John, Maryland. Live band, 400 insane swing dancers and no alcohol.

It is summer. Guys bring three t-shirts. It's nice to change one when the sweat is flung off during twirls. Iron Bitch loves to dance. It's the one time she is ok with following. A novel experience, following. Even following there is room to improvise. Not this twirl, that one. A double instead of a single. Sometimes no twirl, even though one was led.

She is wearing the basic black gored skirt. Good twirling material. She has the opaque black thigh highs on, with the spray of black feathers spread on each upper outer thigh, like a hand print. Black velvet tank top which would steam if the air weren't already saturated.

Iron Bitch's next dance is with Big Boy. She spots him. As they move through the flow…

lately I can't speak words fail me why won't this end (poetry)

2009-11-26T14:37:01Z

lately i cant speak
only noises.
strangled
choked out
mess.
words fail me.
they just
dont work
incomplete
monosyllabic
sentences.
useless describing
pain
when
why wont
make this end

Emily. Emily. Emily. Delete. (person)

2009-11-26T13:44:36Z

Things were strewn across a normally clean apartment; it seemed as though someone had broken in. It wasn't like that, though. A vase lay smashed in the hall, pieces scattered across the carpet. Magazines had been sent flying across the the lounge from a hand that had dashed them aside. The light of the computer was the only soft glow that illuminated the chaos.

The figure hunched at the desk shuddered, shoulders shaking and hands pushed into thick hair, holding a head that was too full of emotion. A smiling blond girl wearing a black dress and a thick beaded necklace stared out of the screen, her arm around another. Emily. Pretty laughing happy graceful Emily. Emily who would always come running in times of trouble, Emily who could be depended on, Emily.

Emily who shared all those dark thoughts, Emily…

Possession (essay)

2009-11-26T13:07:26Z

What on Earth is wrong with my country? There's an endless supply of idiots here. While I can take a curious interest in the vague ravings of cryptozoologists, I'm completely outraged about some of the madness that continues apace due to the belief in evil spirits.

Now, I only hear about the stories that are so stupid they end up in the news. The sobering truth is that there's probably a lot more of this going on. A medium was on television a few months back, and it was fairly clear that his clients were ordinary people who just wanted to talk to grandma one more time. I'm not talking about that sort of thing, frustrating it's existence might be. What I'm talking about is a strange insistence in the existence of evil spirits. The kind of malevolent entities that leave their victims thinking, "But I didn't eat the pea soup!"; and have only got bad things to say about people's mothers.

Possessed Highways
A few years ago a…

Pile of horse shit (thing)

2009-11-26T12:29:21Z

It's huge, it stinks, and you've got to deal with it. Nothing says "I really don't want to be here" than a steaming mound of faeces from a horse.

I spent a year doing this kind of fun, outdoorsy work, and it wasn't all bad. Horse shit piles up nicely, and it doesn't smell too bad when it's had a few hours to dry out. The main problem was the horses, who would come trotting up to hang out with me while I toiled with my shovel and wheelbarrow.

They would come up and sniff the dung in the barrow to see if it was interesting, and then pull a face. They would give me a mournful look telling me they wanted me to scratch them - awwww! Only, sometimes they wanted lots of scratching, and would get annoyed when I got back to work, and then kicked my load of manure over. That was probably better than the friendly "Hey, let's have scratchytimes now!" bite on the shoulder. Ouch.

All this paled in comparison to the fact that they knew quite well what I was doing,…

Purple-K (thing)

2009-11-26T07:14:30Z

Purple-K is a firefighting chemical. Although bicarbonate of soda had been used to fight fires for many years prior to its discovery, in the 1950s the U.S. Naval Research Laboratory discovered that switching potassium in for the sodium in bicarbonate increased its ability to quench flame by a factor of at least two.

Fire requires four components to burn, sometimes known as the 'fire tetrahedron': heat, oxygen, fuel, and a chemical chain reaction. Purple-K is one of the few that directly attacks the chemical chain reaction, efficiently interrupting said chain reaction and hence stopping combustion. It consists, in its industrial preparation, of potassium bicarbonate and sodium bicarbonate (approximately 80% and 15% by weight), mica, Fuller's Earth and silica making up the remainder.

It is one of the most effective tools in fighting flammable liquid fires. As a result, it is used heavily in chemical and petroleum refineries, at airports and fuel…

Perceptics (idea)

2009-11-26T04:57:57Z

I've gotta be up front here, I have no reliable sources for the following information. What I've pieced together I've picked up here and there as rumor and various mad scribblings of people who used to be, or at least claim to have been, involved with Scientology. The Church of Scientology is infamously tight-lipped about these things, with much information being distributed by disgruntled former members. It took decades before anyone outside the Church had even heard of this Xenu character, despite his central role in the Church's mythology. So take the following cum grano salis.

In the late 70s, L. Ron Hubbard wrote down a list of 57 superhuman senses he claimed were possessed by thetans which people who were "clear" (free of unwanted engrams, or harmful memories) could learn how to utilize. The full list is below. Most of them appear to be normal human senses that any healthy, fully-developed adult possesses. Others, such…

Childhood (poetry)

2009-11-26T03:26:22Z

The Past dreams too

Some times look back and all I see
Is little flashes, of little me
A few tears here, a grown up there
A younger me with little care

Some blood, some bruises then a laugh
The me of what you see a half
A fall, a scrape, a kick, a slap
A seat upon papa's large lap

A small white smile upside down
A first handstand while playing clown
A duel proclaimed, the words are clear
Standing strong, I felt no fear

A big kids game, a fall down hill
I got back up of my own will
No more tears and no more crying
Work, imagining I'm flying

A flash of light , a baby's scream
A little sister, not a dream
A little baby, half my size
Taking care of her's my prize

Getting home and knowing then
That something's wrong, I'm only ten
But I knew when my dad was mad
To steer clear and not be…

wherever you go, there you are (thing)

2009-11-26T03:19:55Z

This often-repeated chestnut (and misquote) is a staple piece of conversation between science fiction fans of the older generation. Derived from Buckaroo Banzai, this was quoted to his love interest, Penny Priddy. Much like other bits of the movie, it has reached something of a cliche status (albeit not quite of a cliche as the ever-present Monty Python quotes).

Example usage:

Fan #1: Dammit, Bob, I thought the comic book store was down Emerson! Where the hell are we?
Fan #2: I dunno, Bill, but wherever you go, there you are.

Somewhat less frequently, this is used as a consolation to depressed fen who are experiencing a midlife crisis or other moments of angst. Due to the somewhat ironic nature of the standard usage, however, this often leads to the quote being taken as sarcasm.

The full and more accurate quote is: "Remember... no matter where you go, there you are."

This has…

Smile Like You Mean It (essay)

2009-11-26T02:26:28Z

This song is by The Killers, it was released on May 2, 2005, was featured on their first album, Hot Fuss, and since then it became their third single in the US and fourth single in the UK. It also reached number 11 on the UK single chart, and number 15 in the Billboard US Modern Rock Chart. In Australia, it reached number 39 on Triple J's Hottest 100 of 2004.

The meaning of the song can be easily construed to fit whatever current situation you are in:

Save some face, you know you've only got one
Change your ways while you're young
Boy, one day you'll be a man
Oh girl, he'll help you understand

The first two lines could be telling you to think seriously about the way you act, think about your reputation and how people see you, and decide if that is what you really want, and the second two lines could be taken as a completely separate statement, that you'…

The Einstein Intersection (thing)

2009-11-26T01:49:52Z

One of Samuel R. Delany's earliest novels, the Einstein Intersection is, at it's core, a retelling of the myth of Orpheus. Set in a far off future where humanity has ended and a new race populates the Earth, a young man named Lobey sets off to find his lost love, Friza. Lobey has large, extremely dexterous hands and feet and a talent for music, which he plays using holes in the handles of his machete like a flute. Like everyone else in his very slightly post-Neolithic society, he is a mutant. But, unlike many, he is "functional," an active member of society. The question of what is normal and what is functional is discussed throughout and becomes a focal point towards the end of the book.

Delany opens each chapter with a quote or two, ranging from Erasmus' The Praise of Folly to the Pepsi slogan. He also occasionally inserts notes from his journal about the novel. The notes lend a great deal to the story and its development.…

Wrong number (event)

2009-11-25T23:13:56Z

Call from 908-285-xxxx

My cell phone does not have a caller ID that you have to pay for. If a person with a number not in my contacts calls me, only the number is displayed, so it's a mystery who is on the other side of the phone connection. At the time, I was sitting with my no-longer-in-touch-with girlfriend in a coffeeshop, over a slice of pecan pie and tea. My phone rings, and I see a 908 area code, which means someone from New Jersey.

I pick up the phone and ask in my best neutral voice, "Hello?".

The girl on the other side says, in quite a suggestive way, "Hey, what's up?". Now I am utterly confused. This is someone who thinks she knows who she is talking to, and I have no idea who I am talking to and she sounds very interested. I might have taken advantage of this if that person I am no longer in touch with was not so physically satisfying.

Alas, I intend to make the situation a little…

stereotypical kingdoms in fantasy novels (idea)

2009-11-25T22:51:49Z

Fantasy writing being the derivative mess it is, many novels tend to adopt the same themes and tropes. One symptom of this includes structuring the society of the protagonist, or the societies around the protagonist, in a manner consistent to a medieval kingdom in various forms. The most common riff on these is to use Lord of the Rings with a paint job. However, over the last few decades, a few other model kingdoms have popped up.

These tend to be used, reused, warped, and given new paint jobs at a whim. The political structure may be changed slightly (Perdido Street Station, for example), but is still recognizable within the trope.

Without further ado:

The Mysterious Kingdom of Wonder: Readers are introduced to a simple but wondrous utopia threatened by an one-dimensional villain. Plot devices are employed to move the protagonists into harm's way; ultimately, this leads to them saving the kingdom. This usually involves…

Butterfly (thing)

2009-11-25T22:05:53Z

Introduction

This writeup is on an option combination, or strategy, known as a butterfly. It is an option strategy that is used to make money when an underlying ends up exactly at a certain level at expiry, while maintaining a modest risk profile.

How to set up a butterfly?

An ordinary butterfly consists of three option positions on the same underlying with the same expiry, but a different strike. The call butterfly consists of:

One long call with a strike K - X
Two short calls with a strike K
One long call with a strike K + X

So, an example could be a long 40 - short 2 times 50 - long 60. Let's investigate the payoff of this thing, by considering various scenarios that may occur at expiry.

Below or at the lowest strike: All options expiry worthlessly. Payoff is 0.
Above the lowest strike, and at or below the middle strike: The long call is in the money.

…

funeral (thing)

2009-11-25T21:16:32Z

The meaning of a rite of passage in different religions

Rituals are like ballet in that the language they speak is that of dramatic symbolism, or to describe this in different terms, 'theatricality' ¹ . In many cases costumes are also incorporated as a part of the ritual, as well as music and various other elements which vary as you move over the face of the planet, after an order that nobody seems to have figured out. The differences between rituals and ballet run more fundamental than the similarities of course, ballet is just a handy point of comparison and a form of expression, as are rituals, and rituals are also attempts at preserving traditions- some would be happy to speak of improvized actions as part of ritual too, Bobby Alexander for instance, that 'ritual defined in the most general and basic terms is a performance, planned or improvised, that effects a transition from everyday life to an alternative context within which the everyday is…

ignorant assumptions (essay)

2009-11-25T20:48:42Z

Why do people love assumptions?

First of all, I humbly suggest that the main reason why anybody makes any sort of assumption in any sort of scenario is to save time and effort. (This statement in itself is based on an assumption because I have neither the time nor the energy to bother doing extensive research on the matter at this point in time.) Sometimes this is done because there isn't much of a choice, such as in a medical emergency or most other crisis situations. Sometimes, as any overworked and under-appreciated individual will tell you, this is done to divert time and energy elsewhere, such as in the pursuit of a decent social life. Often this is done simply to avoid expending time and energy to begin with.

The more interesting concern though, is why do so many people make such ignorant assumptions? Many economists have established how and why pollution, traffic congestion and global warming…

Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story (review)

2009-11-25T20:33:55Z

It’s just a happy day in the Mushroom Kingdom! The sun is shining, the weather’s nice, and the [birds are FYI-ing! (Yeah… play the game to learn what that means.) One day, little Toad comes home from school… early. “You’ll never grow up into a good Toad!” his mother warns, but in the Mushroom Kingdom, your punishment is eating delicious dinner. Man, do I wish I live there. Anyways, as Mama Toad calls for Papa Toad for dinner… it turns out he is SUPER-UBER-INFLATED! And he’s not alone – everyone’s getting attacked by this new disease called “the blorbs.” Maybe I don’t want to live there anymore… back on topic, there is a Mushroom Kingdom emergency meeting to cure what is deemed incurable. Heck, even the star powers can’t do a thing about it.

But who’s stronger than a SWAT team? The Super Mario Bros. are! Who's too agile to be caught, jumping and flying and all?…

Facilitated communication (idea)

2009-11-25T19:53:57Z

Facilitated communication is a method for a helper, or facilitator, to assist a person with both motor difficulties and an inability to speak to communicate by helping the disabled person type responses to questions by feeling subtle movements and gestures the disabled person is trying to make, but cannot perform independantly due to the disability.

If this sounds a bit like using a Ouija board to you, you're not alone.

Facilitated communication caused a big sensation in the 1980s and 90s helping severely autistic people communicate, demonstrating surprising literacy and intelligence compared to all other outward signs of the person's ability. It was claimed at the time that these otherwise bright and aware people were trapped in their bodies, unable to overcome their physical limitations to let the true, fully capable person inside show through. Only because they could not communicate verbally, and had severe motor function problems, they could neither talk…

Kung Fu (how-to)

2009-11-25T19:46:28Z

Kung Fu is also a simple game that can be played with just about any number of people. There are no equipment requirements, though the game should be played on flat, preferably somewhat soft, ground.

Players stand in a rough circle and should be arms-length apart. At his turn, a player makes one smooth motion in an attempt to touch another player with his fingertips. The targeted player may make one smooth motion to dodge the attack. Play proceeds around the circle, with any player who is touched eliminated from the game at once.

The difficulty in the game lies in the fact that each "turn" a player may only move once. If the move results in the player off-balance, she must wait until the next time she can move to correct the problem. If she should happen to fall over in the intervening time frame, that is where she must stay until the game allows her to move again. The one motion rule remains in effect, so returning to a standing position can be quite complicated.

Despite its…

Preeventualism (dream)

2009-11-25T18:39:30Z

This is probably the very worst thing you could bring up at a dinner party. I mean, it's not like the future doesn't matter. Of course it matters! It matters to your kids and their kids and the survivors of global warming and overpopulation and the other 12 apocalypses and anyone who got away before the sun blew up. Or probably just robots. So you'd better be careful where you toss that plastic wrapper. It could get swallowed by a seagull, and when the poor bird chokes in mid-air and lands on the sidewalk, that old man who always walks 5 miles in the morning will find it and call the Animal Rescue League, and they'll have to do a biopsy to find the little cellophane culprit, all wadded up and covered in half-digested french fries, which happens to be the exact slimy metaphor that a not-so-well-known, living-off-of-ramen-and-tuna-salad community college student poet was grasping at to finish his master work, as he watched…