Jet-Poop's New Writeups

Matt Kane Overleaps the Gorge of Death (fiction)

2009-11-23T22:36:31Z

Matt Kane surveyed the scene around him with detached, clinical professionalism. It was one of the worst, most horrifying crime scenes he'd ever seen in his 20 years with the Aluchua County Sheriff's Office (Crime Scene Investigation division). There were at least three bodies here, possibly more -- they'd need to DNA-match all the scattered body parts before they'd be able to get an accurate body count.

"Holy spit, Matt, I ain't seen nothing like this since 'Nam," said Sgt. Edwin "Tex" Abalone. "What kind of sick mind could do this to people?"

"A very sick mind, Sgt. Abalone," said Matt, tucking his sunglasses into his…

Everything2 Decaversary Interviews (event)

2009-11-01T21:59:59Z

Everything2.com will turn ten years old on November 13. We can't really all get together and have a proper kegger to celebrate, so instead, we'll recognize the upcoming anniversary some other way.

I've contacted as many of Everything2's original veterans as possible -- the users who were members of Everything.com and who were here when E2 made its debut and thus have some memory of how things used to be. Some of them are bigger, more recognizable names than others, but they've all played an important part in shaping the site. I've asked them, if they're interested, to fill out some short interviews.

Interviews
nate
mkb
Lometa
fondue
RimRod
Segnbora-t
…

Satanic Zombie Cyborgs Meet the Unholy Girlfriend (poetry)

2009-10-28T00:26:08Z

Science and religion fused with deadly radiation and necrovore viruses!
Abominations rise from bubbling vats and desecrated altars!
Toxic robot corpses! Delivered straight from Hell itself!
Annihilation threatens humanity! Biblical destruction and technological horror!
None can withstand their cold dead hands,…

The Gashlycrumb Tinies (review)

2009-10-23T13:50:08Z

A short illustrated book written by Edward Gorey and published by Harcourt Books in 1963. Its full title is "The Gashlycrumb Tinies: or, After the Outing."

It's a rhyming children's alphabet primer -- except it's not really for children. Or at least, that's what Sensitive Parents will say. Yes, it's meant for adults. But lots and lots and lots of kids love this book, too. Why?

A is for AMY who fell down the stairs
B is for BASIL assaulted by bears
C is for CLARA who wasted away
D is for DESMOND thrown out of a sleigh

Twenty-six adorable little moppets done in by means both mundane and gruesome -- what's not to love?

The entire book is illustrated by Gorey's famously morbid, intricately crosshatched, neo-Edwardian artwork. Ernest smiles sweetly at a peach on a long, empty table, never realizing his fruit snack will be the death of him. Ida…

Call of Cthulhu (thing)

2009-10-14T15:58:22Z

Pen-and-paper roleplaying game, published for the first time in 1981 by Chaosium. The game takes its name from H.P. Lovecraft's classic horror story, though it leaves out the article "the" that leads off the story title. As you might expect, the game is based on Lovecraft's Cthulhu Mythos and related tales of cosmic horror, and is considered the largest and most influential horror RPG.

The game was originally written by Sandy Petersen, who later went on to design some of the levels and monsters in the computer game "Doom." Petersen had started writing a supplement for "RuneQuest" set in Lovecraft's Dreamlands but ended up creating something much larger, incorporating more of the Cthulhu Mythos. Since its release in 1981, it has gone through six editions, sold almost a quarter-million copies of the main rulebook, and won over 40 gaming awards.

The primary setting for the game is the 1920s -- New England and especially certain fictional settings from…

Destini's Pony (fiction)

2009-10-07T16:30:52Z

"You hate me!" Destini Ardman screamed from behind her closed bedroom door. "You hate me, you always have, and I HATE YOU, TOO!"

"Honey, please, don't make such a scene," whispered her mother outside the door. "All your party guests are still here. You don't want to upset your party guests, do you?"

"To HELL WITH THEM!" Destini screamed. "And to HELL WITH YOU, TOO!"

"Destini, please, don't use language like that," whispered her mother. "You know how everyone will talk."

Her father came into the hallway. He was wearing his "Kiss the Cook" barbecue apron that smelled of generic-brand liquid smoke. "What's the problem? Burgers are almost ready."

"Destini's upset about her presents," whispered her mother.

"I WANTED A PONY!" came the shriek from the other side of the door.

Dad rapped…